Well, this is it. I've officially started writing a blog. No backing out now. I've been talking about it for about a year now. It's not lack of subject matter or opinions that's kept me from writing. It's having the energy with which to write it that I have the problem.
And that, dear reader, brings us to one of the main points of this blog. Energy. Or the lack there of. You see this blog is for all those people out there who deal with depression, sleep apnea, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and the myriad of other illnesses that rob you of energy. Illnesses that are "just in your head." Illnesses that most people don't understand, and some don't even believe exist.
I suffer from the first two: depression and sleep apnea. I think the depression started in early childhood, though it wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late teens. I saw my first psychiatrist when I was in the fifth grade. Yeah, I know, half the kids in grammar school are on Ritalin now. But this was 1971. Having your children in therapy now is like belonging to the right club or driving the right car. Back then, there was a stigma attached to it.
I'm 46 now. Over the years, I've seen psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, and social workers. I've been on countless pharmaceuticals, been in cognitive/behavioural programs, had ECT (politically correct for shock treatment), been hospitalized, and now I have a VNS implant that constantly sends little jolts of electricity to my brain. And the majority of this was WITHOUT insurance. Were it not for caring parents, I'd be in a box now. Either a wooden one underground or a cardboard one on the street.
I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in 2006. During my test, I stopped breathing over 500 times in a 6 hour period. I get about an hour's rest for every 8 hours of sleep, and this has probably been going on for about 10 years. As a result, my depression has worsened, I'm tired all the time, I've gained weight, and my cognitive abilities and memory are like... I can't think of an analogy. They're just bad.
I'm not writing this for sympathy. I get enough of that from my relatives. I just want people to know what it’s like. Not all the guys like me who live at home and are in their 40s are slackers and losers. Not everyone who dozes off at work was out carousing last night. Not all the fat people could lose weight if they'd just exercise. Not all the women who complain of phantom pain are hypochondriacs.
Unfortunately, the majority of humanity is not very humane. Most people lack empathy. They can't put themselves in another person's shoes because they're too busy criticizing the other person's taste in footwear. This is my metaphoric way of splashing them in the face with some ice cold water.
Why did I name this blog Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel? Because sometimes I feel like one of those fish dodging the bullets. Maybe with some good writing and a little humour, I can start firing back.
